1.Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

                2.Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

               3.Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

              4.Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce:  "I've got new socks on!"

             5.When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, I hate... motion sickness!"

            6.Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

            7.Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"

            8.Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

           9.Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.

          10.Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

          11.If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"
          12.Start a sing-along.

 

 

          1.Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"

          2.Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.

         3.Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

        4.Bring cheerleaders.

        5.Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.

        6.Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.

        7.As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

        8.Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.

        9.Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

       10.Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.

       11.Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.

       12.Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"

       13.Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.

       14.Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.

       15.Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!"

       16.Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said.

       17.From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.

       18.If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.

       19.Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.

       20.After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.

       21.Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start.

       22.Try to get people in the room to do the wave.

       23.Play Frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.

       24.Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.

       25.Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc... sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.

       26.Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.

       27.Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it helps me think." Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase "Told you so".

 

 

        1.If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
        2.Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
        3.Use CB lingo where applicable.
        4.Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
        5.Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
        6.Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
        7.Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.
        8.Answer their questions with questions.
        9.In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.
      10.Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST FREE-SPIRITEDCOST-EFFICIENT UKRAINIAN PUCE. 
      11.Tell them to put the crust on top this time. 
      12.Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's "Master of Puppets" CD. 
     13.Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.
     14.Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."
     15.Stutter on the letter "p." 
     16.Ask for a deal available somewhere else.
     17.Ask what the order taker is wearing.
     18.Crack your knuckles into the receiver.
     19.Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
     20.Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if you would like drinks with that, panic and become disoriented.
     21.Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.

     22.Make a list of exotic cuisine's. Order them as toppings.
     23.Change your accent every three seconds.
     24.Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.
       25.Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say "Bed-Wetters'Camp, right?"
      26.Start your order with "I'd like. . . ". A little later, slap yourself and say "No, I don't."
     27.If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window."
     28.Rent a pizza.
     29.Order while using an electric knife sharpener.
     30.Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
     31.Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound.
     32.Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred."
     33.Say "Are you sure this is (Pizza Place)? When they say yes, say "Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do!" When they finally offer proof that it is, in fact, (Pizza Place), start to cry and ask, "Do you know what it's like to be lied to?"
      34.Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream goodbye at the top of your lungs.
     35.Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.
     36.Imitate the order taker's voice.
     37.Eliminate verbs from your speech.
     38.When they say "What would you like?" say, "Huh? Oh, you mean now."
     39.Play a sitar in the background.
     40.Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hide behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.
     41.Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.
     42.Ask to see a menu.
     43.Quote Newt Gingrich.
     44.Say you'll be able to pay for this when the movie people call back.
     45.Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.
     46.Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.
     47.Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed.
     48.Order a slice, not a whole pizza.
     49.Shout "I'm through with men/women! Send me a dozen of your best, Gaston!"
     50.Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say "Where was I? Who are you?"
     51.Psychoanalyze the order taker.
     52.Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.
     53.Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting." 
     54.Learn to properly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that these be included in the pizza. 55.Call to complain about service. Later, call to say you were drunk and didn't mean it.
     56.Tell the order taker to tell the manager to tell his supervisor he's fired.
     57.Report a petty theft to the order taker.
     58.Use expletives like "Great Caesar's Ghost" and "Jesus Joseph and Mary in Tinsel Town."
     59.Ask for the guy who took your order last time.
     60.If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words."
     61. Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.
     62.Start the conversation with "My Call to (Pizza Place), Take1, and. . . action!"
     63.Ask if the pizza is organically grown.
     64.Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.
     65.Be vague in your order.
     66.When they repeat your order, say "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."
     67.If using a touch-tone press 9-1-1 every 5 seconds throughout the order.
     68.After ordering, say "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does." Simulate a cutoff.
     69.Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my last entry."
    70.State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get.
    71.Ask if they're familiar with the term "spanking a pizza. "Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza.
    72.Say "Kssssssssssssssht" rather loudly into the phone. Ask if they felt that.
    73.Detect the order taker's psychic aura. Use it to your advantage.
    74.When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza.
    75.Learn to play a blues riff on the harmonica. Stop talking at regular intervals to play it.
     76.Ask if they would like to sample your pizza. Suggest an even trade.
     77.Perfect a celebrity's voice. Stress that you won't take any crap from some two-bit can't-hack-it pimple-faced gofer.
     78.Put them on hold.
     79.Teach the order taker a secret code. Use the code on all subsequent orders.
      80.Mumble, "There's a bomb under your seat." When asked to repeat that, say "I said 'sauce smothered with meat'."
     81.Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond.
     82.When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say "You just don't get it, do you?" 
     83.When you're given the price, say "Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate math."
      84.Haggle.
      85.Order a one-inch pizza.
      86.Order term life insurance.
      87.When they say "Will that be all?", snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?"
      88.Order with a Speak-n-Spell where applicable. 
      89.Ask how many dolphins were killed to make that pizza.
      90.While on the phone, fake entering puberty. Fluctuate pitch often; act embarrassed.
      91.Engage in some serious swapping.
      92.Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If he/she says it, say "Please don't mention that word." 
      93.Have a movie with a good car chase scene playing loudly in the background. Yell "OW!" when a bullet is fired. 
      94.If he/she suggests a side order, ask why he/she is punishing you. 
      95.Ask if the pizza has had its shots. 
      96. Order a steamed pizza.
      97.Get taker's name. Later, call exactly on the hour to say, "This is your (time of day) wake-up call, So-and-so." Hang up.
     98.Offer to pay for the pizza with a public flogging. If any of the above practices are rejected by the order taker,
    99.Say, in your best pouty voice, "You let me last time."
   100. Try to talk while drinking something.

 

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